you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
