Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
