she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
