I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
