you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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