And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
