i would one night stand the shit outta him
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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