Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
