brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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