Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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