I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
