Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
