So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
