my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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