never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
