Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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