The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize