I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
