Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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