sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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