i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
