ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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