see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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