my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Cover your peen. We're going out.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
