Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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