My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize