I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
