Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
