My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
