This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I am one with the molecules
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize