Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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