I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
