they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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