Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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