I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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