i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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