Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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