I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
