they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We don't watch enough power rangers
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
