who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
