hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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