you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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