Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Randomize