I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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