apparently the secret to your success is patron
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
