Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
