Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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