hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
