im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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