Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
