Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
