Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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