I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My ass is underappreciated
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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