i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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