help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
