youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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