I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
why do cheetos always look like penises
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
