God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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