she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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