The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
