Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
