fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
she smelled like a LAN party
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
