she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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