After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
