I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize