I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
