drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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