i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
