he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
