clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
