He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
