If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
