What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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