her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
