Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Everclear isn't food dammit
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
